Half-step

I heard someone say once, when speaking about impoverished neighborhoods, that kids cannot learn if they have to constantly worry about the clothes on their back, school supplies, will there be dinner on the table, etc.

I feel the same can be said about adults. When we’re too busy focusing on our 9-5s, paying the bills, making sure the lights are on, etc…, we have no time to grow. Our spirit becomes stagnant. Our consciousness is muted. After all, when survival is your number one priority, there’s no room for anything else.

I used to say I was lazy. I still say it every once in a while. I guess I say it to downplay how hard I actually do work. I work fucking hard. In actuality, I say I’m lazy because I know deep down I never want to work again. I used to tell people I wanted to retire at 25. Not because I’m lazy. Because I wanted to dedicate my free time to myself.

I want to grow. I want to evolve. I want to become better. But the bills have to get paid.

We’re a society of workaholics, blindsided by the first of the month, while our conscience waves to us from the other side of the void.

I lick and suck pussy like a champ because I want a good Yelp! review.

I bet you $50 I am recording.

Lunch Convo

Megan: Omg, this dressing is so good!
Me: You wanna drizzle some on your nipples?
Megan: Huh?
Me: You wanna rub it on your clit?
Megan: How am I supposed to enjoy it then? That does nothing for me.
One day, I’ll hang those canvases up. Not today, though. Today, I mean-mug the camera and take selfies.

One day, I’ll hang those canvases up. Not today, though. Today, I mean-mug the camera and take selfies.

Time

Sometimes I’ll see a really young picture of a celebrity. Tumblr is good for that. Anyway, I’ll see what a celebrity looked like in the 60s, or in the 70s… Any decade before I was born. Before I could ever picture them. I see how healthy and full of life and beautiful they were. All of them. Male, female, animal. Whatever. All I know is that when I see how they used to look compared to what they look like now, I wanna drink lots of water, stay out of the sun, and go to sleep early.

I used to say that you’d never know the true beauty of a woman until she made eye contact with you. While that is still very much true, I now believe that true beauty is when she opens her legs and lets you get a peak at that pretty pussy.

Sporadic Thoughts

I didn’t know there was a right/wrong way to put the roll of toilet paper on the holder until I moved in with Megan. Growing up, there were 4 of us [mom, dad, sis & me], and however the roll was put on, that’s how it stayed until the next time. Every new roll was an adventure. Nobody knew which way it would be placed, and nobody cared. Nobody mentioned it. Now, as an adult, there’s toilet paper etiquette that I was unaware of, but all of Tumblr knew [specifically you ladies]. Wow.

I wonder what male stereotypes will be like in 100 years. Here’s a few we can get rid of:

  • Men don’t ask for directions. Every phone comes with GPS. No one’s ever getting lost again, and if they do, they won’t have to ask for directions.
  • Men don’t know where the clit is. There’s a whole generation of people growing up with free internet porn. Personally, I’ve seen enough porn by the time I was 12 to know exactly where the clit is. We can stop spreading that lie.
  • Men always leave the seat up. Hopefully in a hundred years, women will have developed the dexterity to put the seat down before they go. Men never see the seat down and piss on it. Watch what you’re doing, ladies.

I’m exciting to be making money and be able to buy the million things I have on wishlists scattered all across the net. When I think about how happy that makes me, I get sad. I hate that spending money makes me happy. I don’t want to be that guy.

Conscious

I used to fear for my soul. I would constantly wonder if I was doing “the right thing.” Every day, week, month, year, I would take inventory of my actions. I’d tip-toe around life, walking on eggshells, hoping not to incite the wrath of an angry God.

I don’t know when it happened, but I realized yesterday that it had been a really long time since I even wondered about my soul. I no longer lived in fear. I use my heart as a yard stick for good and evil, and my actions are a reflection of the innate goodness inside of me.

I remember the me that second guessed himself at every turn. The one scared of the monsters under his bed that he tried hard not to wake. I no longer think of heaven or hell as a place, and I no longer fear death and what comes next.

Whatever comes next, I’m ready. I welcome it with the anticipation of a child who graduated the 2nd grade. I’m content knowing my soul, which had been whispering in my ear all along, will be just fine.

Late Night Convo

Me: I don't know, love. I think you might be exaggerating about your cramps.
Megan: ...